I never knew how much it took to make a realtionship last until I actually was in a REAL relationship. Now this may sound funny but I was just playing games and being inmature about love or whatever it was I was involved in from previous years. It wasn't until this year that I can truly say that I was indeed in Love. No i am not talking about the puppy dog love you see on the romance flicks or the kind of love you can only dream about but real love. The late nights the haunting thoughts of deception, the insecurities, EVERYTHING. This love scared me. It made me lie to the ones I loved and most importantly myself. I was a fool in love in some aspects, thinking that it will last forever. Not saying that it can't or in my case that it won't. I just went into it being too naive. Not sure of what to do, or what to say, how to act without pushing any buttons. When I should have just went in being myself and not what I thought I was supposed to be or how I was supposed to act. Time apart is good when you find yourself at a fork in the road. When I finally came to the conclusion that I didnt want to be in a relationship where I felt like I was the only one who was really in it. I knew right then and there that it was time for me Adriana to get some much needed space. Of course others thought that I made a stupid move and that I would pay for it sooner or later but as shinedown says and I quote:
"Please don't cry one tear for me,
I am not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today"
I had a decision to make either I was going to become a shadow or be a human being, this was my only chance; I had to turn things around so I did. Now at first it was rocky: the people that told me nothing but bad things were going to happen were right but only to a certain extent. Things were said, lies were swang and I was more than I was when the decision was made, but once it was all revealed.....I had two choices: either fight for what I want or just let it blow on with the wind. I decided to fight and I did what I could and even a few things that I couldn't but I put forth the effort. Now don't get it twisted: we are still not officially together and he is still a grown ass man and we still have our moments but right now he is a friend that I am so very lucky to have. Even if we just continue to be friends until we get gray and die lol......I will be pleased because he was truly my first EVERYTHING and he taught me the trade. Some say he taught me so good he got me making the meal and doing the dishes, but I will gladly agree because a love like that dosen't come too often. Relationships can be a trip but what makes it is who you choose to have one with!
BE BLESSED
